Ohh no... Not you again.

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You do it to yourself.

Los Angeles, CA




State of Manuel

Lately I’ve changed in a good way, I am way more responsible with stuff and I am dedicating a lot of time to myself, I’ve been working a lot, working out everyday, heck I’ve even stopped going out every night. No one had to tell me anything to make me come to this realization, I just realized everyday cant be a day to waste with friends, or a party day. Not to say that I have become someone who isn’t trying to have fun, but I am just trying to be happy with myself. I have found lately that I make a lot of time for people in my life, and not enough people even make time for me. I am always open for others not even caring about myself. I just realized after a couple days I am done with reaching out to people if they really want to talk to me or see me they will do it with their own will. I could be using all this time on myself. The people that i want to stay will stay with me and the people who will leave will leave, there is only so much I can control. I have just seen where my life is going and its been in a downward spiral since last year. Also, a thought that has been wandering in my head is when I will ever date someone else, and you know even if I was to have a girlfriend, I would want to be at a place where I can support myself before I can support another head. Because at this point in my life I am not trying to date someone for a little while, I am essentially looking for the person I am going to spend the rest of my days with and be happy forever, and if I even want to think of being happy I got to have my shit together. Because this is a dog eat dog world, so if you aren’t striving and doing something for your future then you’re wasting a whole lot of time, and time is a concept that has just slapped me in the face, If I want to be anywhere at all I have to pretty much do a bunch of boring hard crap before I can even have any fun at all. There is a quote that Derrick Brooks said once that stuck to me and I applied it to football everyday at one point, the quote was “Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die” My heaven is way ahead of me, hopefully I can finally apply this to my life. I got a long road ahead of me, I won’t be around as much and I will probably be a very lonely person, but if that means that I can have a better tomorrow I am willing to do anything. I’m excited more than ever to see what awaits in front of me. I’ve held on tightly to the past for a while, and no matter how hard you try to hold on to it… its already done there is no direction to move but forward.

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